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Sea-Monkeys Love to Travel Too


So, we had a chance on May 27th, 1997, to visit the wonderful city of Seattle, Washington. Never one to miss an opportunity, we powered up the Nissan 200SX, my impenetrable car of death, and went on our merry way. We first stopped at Microsoft, the kind and benevolent makers of Windows 98 (all rights reserved -- hey, I’m not getting sued for anything ‘round here) and other fine products, and attempted to find the Sea-Monkeys employment.

 

Copyright Susan Barclay - used with permission.The Sea-Monkeys tried to fill out the required forms, but had some difficulty holding the pen. So, we attached their combined resumes (eighty-three in all) to a group application, and waited in the reception area. I heard some whispers from a back room; I saw a few men, dressed rather casually, discussing my Sea Monkeys and pointing. I heard the words "lazy" and "unambitious" and, fearing the worst for the little guys, I took them out of the building, preferring not to reduce their self-esteem any further. We figured we would go and find someone in charge…

Copyright Susan Barclay - used with permission.We tried to get inside the Executive Briefing Centre but we couldn’t get past security: I guess they knew we were coming and had some very burly guards waiting outside. I could see the shadow of a man with glasses through the glass, but he did not respond to my wails for help. Not wanting to cause a scene, and not wanting to leave with any fewer limbs than which we came, we left gracefully and quietly. Unfortunately, the Sea-Monkeys did not, and we were forced to take them, screaming and banging the sides of their little tank, to another part of the campus.

Copyright Susan Barclay - used with permission.Next, we passed "The Walk" of Fame -- the place for all of the names and creation dates of all of the Microsoft products! The Sea-Monkeys became a little too enamoured by the image of the globe at the start of the walk. Imagining the world domination that awaits them, I bet.

Finally, we went for dinner at Red Lobster. We don’t have these restaurants in Canada, so Ray and I visit every chance we get! I ordered the Shrimp Shrimp Shrimp and More Shrimp platter. Halfway through my meal, I looked up. There, before me, sat the saddest faces I could imagine. Pressed Copyright Susan Barclay - used with permission.up against the glass were eighty-three small, sad faces, horrified that I actually wanted to eat shrimp! I couldn’t finish the meal and pushed it away. (Okay, I had a few more shrimp, but I turned the tank away.)

They refused to talk to me throughout the rest of our trip, during which we were fortunate enough to meet Craig Charles and Robert Llewellyn of the classic British television show, Red Dwarf. I managed to give them a new tank of Sea- Monkeys to accompany them on their promotional tour of the world.

The Sea-Monkeys visit the Twenty-Four Hour Church of Elvis

Can you imagine the joy I felt when the opportunity arose to bring the Sea- Monkeys on holiday with us to the great state of Oregon? No. Well, imagine the feeling of winning the lottery. Got that? Okay, now bring it down a few notches. Not as low as "the feeling one gets when one is kicked in the shins by a small child in soccer cleats" but not as high as "the feeling one gets when one finds out that their favourite movie personality (insert name here) is sitting outside one’s house in a limousine." Okay, so now you have some idea about what it means to visit Oregon. Wide-open skies, beautiful mountains, the smell of mushroom manure -- wait, that’s my hometown. Let’s start again. I enjoyed the beautiful scenery, wonderful smells, and strange people in Oregon. So let’s start the magical journey through the state of Oregon.

Copyright Susan Barclay - used with permission.The highlight of the trip was our visit to the 24-Hour Church of Elvis in downtown Portland. The curator, an interesting woman, is the only person whom I have met thus far in my life, who is stranger than I am. There are no words to explain how strange this woman is. Believe me, I have been sitting here for a few hours trying to come up with some word that might describe how strange she was, consulting a thesaurus, but, apparently, the English language is bereft of words stronger than "lunacy" or "serious dementia." As she began talking, I didn’t know if she was being serious or not, whether my laughter would annoy or amuse her. I laughed into my friend’s shoulder from time to time and by the time I left the church, my eyes were watering.

 

We entered the church, located on the second floor of a building in the downtown Portland district, and met the curator. She began to talk about the creation of the church, showing us the various aspects of her establishment, such as the World’s First 24 Hour Coin-Operated Art Gallery, and the altar, at which we could worship Elvis. Opting not to prostrate ourselves at that point in time, she then showed us the "let’s make a deal" section of the church. I was selected as an unwilling volunteer and I chose the Broyhill furniture as my prize. It was truly fine furniture. Visions of the comfort I might enjoy, watching television from the majestic splendour of this faux leather chair, were brutally whisked away as the curator announced that I would not be able to take my prize home. Despite my severe disappointment, we moved on to the jukebox made of spinning doll’s heads. (Yes, you read that correctly.) We did have the option to purchase many interesting things, but given that I had spent a majority of this trip trying to conserve money, I declined politely. I would suggest that any future visitors ensure that they have at least $20.00 on them at all times; the glow-in-the-dark T-shirts are to die for and the fridge magnets will be sure to add that extra bit of class to any home. Upon finding out that we were Canadian, she did give us two Elvis ID badges to "make us feel more American," and we did. (I ran out and cancelled my medical insurance, bought a gun, and swore off Kraft Dinner for life.)

The Church of Elvis promises to be fully automated in the near future. The curator has prepared a chair, which, once operational, allows future visitors to the site to ride, in full comfort, through the 24-Hour Church of Elvis. Looks comfortable, no? The Sea-Monkeys enjoyed this profusely and kept yelling "again" as we drove away. Observe the wonderful lights on the back; this, we were assured, would assist visitors who visit during the darker, night- time hours. It was most impressive.

Copyright Susan Barclay - used with permission.The Sea-Monkeys were extremely interested in sitting inside the "24 Hour Coin Operated Art Gallery" and, thus, they were permitted to do so. (Okay, really, I didn’t ask but just shoved them in there and took the picture. But it doesn’t make for interesting text if I just say "so I crammed them into the art gallery." Actually, scratch that. It was interesting...) You can see the votive candle in the background, the tribute to America’s First Lady, Hillary Rodham-Clinton, and the Barbie Doll pictures. The Sea-Monkeys were most pleased. As you can imagine, this was a rare treat that was not duplicated throughout the long weekend holiday. And finally, we were treated to a repair of the Six-Million-Dollar Woman doll. I can’t describe to you the process, as I fear that the curator will hunt me down and kill me, suffice it to say, it was well worth the five-hour drive down to Portland.

I cannot emphasise enough the need to visit this location. If you have the opportunity, I encourage you to go. Bring loads of money for the high quality merchandise available for purchase, and ensure that you visit a restroom (none available, at least as far as I could see) before entering the building. You will laugh yourself silly and will have many happy memories of the trip. Take pictures; your friends will not believe your tales of strangeness, unless you have proof.

Pay homage to the raw, unbridled power of the mighty Sea-Monkey at the Sea-Monkey Worship Page.

By: The Sea-Monkey Answer Lady Susan Barclay, DdD (Doctor of Denizens of the Deep).

Copyright Susan Barclay - used with permission.The highlight of the trip was our visit to the 24-Hour Church of Elvis in downtown Portland. The curator, an interesting woman, is the only person whom I have met thus far in my life, who is stranger than I am. There are no words to explain how strange this woman is. Believe me, I have been sitting here for a few hours trying to come up with some word that might describe how strange she was, consulting a thesaurus, but, apparently, the English language is bereft of words stronger than "lunacy" or "serious dementia." As she began talking, I didnít know if she was being serious or not, whether my laughter would annoy or amuse her. I laughed into my friendís shoulder from time to time and by the time I left the church, my eyes were watering.

We entered the church, located on the second floor of a building in the downtown Portland district, and met the curator. She began to talk about the creation of the church, showing us the various aspects of her establishment, such as the Worldís First 24 Hour Coin-Operated Art Gallery, and the altar, at which we could worship Elvis. Opting not to prostrate ourselves at that point in time, she then showed us the "letís make a deal" section of the church. I was selected as an unwilling volunteer and I chose the Broyhill furniture as my prize. It was truly fine furniture. Visions of the comfort I might enjoy, watching television from the majestic splendour of this faux leather chair, were brutally whisked away as the curator announced that I would not be able to take my prize home. Despite my severe disappointment, we moved on to the jukebox made of spinning dollís heads. (Yes, you read that correctly.) We did have the option to purchase many interesting things, but given that I had spent a majority of this trip trying to conserve money, I declined politely. I would suggest that any future visitors ensure that they have at least $20.00 on them at all times; the glow-in-the-dark T-shirts are to die for and the fridge magnets will be sure to add that extra bit of class to any home. Upon finding out that we were Canadian, she did give us two Elvis ID badges to "make us feel more American," and we did. (I ran out and cancelled my medical insurance, bought a gun, and swore off Kraft Dinner for life.)

The Church of Elvis promises to be fully automated in the near future. The curator has prepared a chair, which, once operational, allows future visitors to the site to ride, in full comfort, through the 24-Hour Church of Elvis. Looks comfortable, no? The Sea-Monkeys enjoyed this profusely and kept yelling "again" as we drove away. Observe the wonderful lights on the back; this, we were assured, would assist visitors who visit during the darker, night- time hours. It was most impressive.

Copyright Susan Barclay - used with permission.The Sea-Monkeys were extremely interested in sitting inside the "24 Hour Coin Operated Art Gallery" and, thus, they were permitted to do so. (Okay, really, I didnít ask but just shoved them in there and took the picture. But it doesnít make for interesting text if I just say "so I crammed them into the art gallery." Actually, scratch that. It was interesting...) You can see the votive candle in the background, the tribute to Americaís First Lady, Hillary Rodham-Clinton, and the Barbie Doll pictures. The Sea-Monkeys were most pleased. As you can imagine, this was a rare treat that was not duplicated throughout the long weekend holiday. And finally, we were treated to a repair of the Six-Million-Dollar Woman doll. I canít describe to you the process, as I fear that the curator will hunt me down and kill me, suffice it to say, it was well worth the five-hour drive down to Portland.

I cannot emphasise enough the need to visit this location. If you have the opportunity, I encourage you to go. Bring loads of money for the high quality merchandise available for purchase, and ensure that you visit a restroom (none available, at least as far as I could see) before entering the building. You will laugh yourself silly and will have many happy memories of the trip. Take pictures; your friends will not believe your tales of strangeness, unless you have proof.

Pay homage to the raw, unbridled power of the mighty Sea-Monkey at the Sea-Monkey Worship Page.

By: The Sea-Monkey Answer Lady Susan Barclay, DdD (Doctor of Denizens of the Deep).